Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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