You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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