allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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