Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
