you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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