She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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