last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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