I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
