people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
