i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
