everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
