I just cut my nipple shaving
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
