if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were trust falling into bushes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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