is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
