Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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