even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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