My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize