dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
