I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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