Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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