genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
