So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
