YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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