Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
40s are totally the cure
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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