just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
