oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
