sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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