I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
