Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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