not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
