youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
