i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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