Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
