To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
