He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
