I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i will never coherently bang her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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