M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
two words...techno handjob
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
