did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
