Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want her autograph on my taint
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
