i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
