i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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