she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
