i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
