Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
