Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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