i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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