____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
