well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
