Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
