BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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