you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
