I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
