Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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