literally had 100 drinks last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
