Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
