I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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