when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
