I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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