garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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