Cold hands, warm shart.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
