Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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