you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
