Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
