I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
