I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
