if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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