the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
