From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
