sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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