Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
