I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
